A Journey to Paradise

He is still the one

2008-10-10T22:12:00.004+08:00

Eto n nmn ako nag eemote. Bakit ba kasi ganito ang buhay. I am trying to move on pero parang di pa tlga nakakalimot ang puso ko. I am opening my door naman to other person pero parang wala nmn akong maramdaman na something special. Everyday nagttxt c new boylet pero di ko tlga sure kung kaya ko ba siya mahalin. Everytime I got a chance to communicate with beh I can still feel how happy I am but at the same time it cause me a lot of pain knowing that he can't be mine. The last time we talked, it's like I was stabbed on the heart. Sabi nya as of now he wants to bring back the old us. Nung time na friends lang kami. I know wala naman na talaga pag-asa na bumalik sya sa kin kaso lang pano b tlga ang dapat gawin. I have tried to hate him, to stop communicating with him and the worst thing is to pretend to like another guy but he just can't get out of my mind.
Everytime he calls out my name I felt like my body is tearing apart. I want to fly back home and hugged him.

My greatest fear when I go back is the possibility that I can do crazy things for him.

I always asked my help these questions:
"Why he didn't choose me? Why can't he love me more than her?"

This is me

2008-06-08T14:15:00.003+08:00

A friend of mine always told me that I should gain some weight. His comments made me think about it and I promised that I would. Thus eversince I stepped in this place, one of my target is to add some cushion on my body. After few months away from home, I have gained 3-4 kilos. Somehow I was happy but whenever I see my bloated face in the mirror I am having second thoughts of it. Now, I am controlling myself to eat too much specially rice. In short, I'm on a diet... sometimes :D because it's hard to resist my appetite..hehe..

But one thing that I realized, I am happy on what I am. I am comfortable of being skinny. Although it's not that bad if I gain some weight but I should not do it just to please him.

Melancholic drama

2007-12-19T20:06:00.000+08:00

Mood swings had taken me these days remembering the melancholic drama of the past month. Never tasted the peace of mind that I longed for nor the past recovery of my soul. I'll be leaving soon but I still have doubts if distance will heal the broken pieces of my heart.

One month had already passed by without you by my side but even the distance never stopped my thoughts of you. I remembered that I was just playing with you at first wanted to know what you really feel but I end up losing the game.

I already got the signs but I keep on waiting. Keeping in mind, what my prof in Ene said, at the "right temperature" the reaction will proceed.

I'm hoping to make the right and firm decision soon and that is to move on. Nobody can help me but myself.

I am not sure why I am writing this entry but I do hope this would be the last entry about the glum thing.

Nihonggo Class

2007-11-15T21:25:00.000+08:00

We started our Nihonggo class last Monday. At first I'm very interested in learning the language. I really enjoyed the first day coz I learned new Japanese words. But just yesterday and I must say " Hiragana wa muskashi desu." Grabe nangangamote talaga ko. Parang kinalawang na nga ang utak ko tagal na kasi di nagagamit. hahaha...

Waaahhh. Need to study my lessons more and to listen to my teacher attentively. Pasaway kasi ang daldal ko. May balak pa naman ako kumuha ng exam tas mag change na ko ng career..hehehe..

Leaving........

2007-11-07T20:33:00.000+08:00

Ang bilis ng araw, November na at malapit na ang Christmas.

Excited ako dahil sa Kris Kringle at Christmas party but at the same time I have this fear na baka kasi umalis na kmi before Christmas.. Haaay ayoko sana pero anong magagawa ko if ever na sabihin ngang aalis na kami.

Nalulungkot din ako dahil malalayo ako sa mga friends at pag naiisip kong most probably wala na sila pagbalik ko...huhuhu..ngayon pa lang nagdadrama na ko pano pa kaya pag paalis na ko..haaaay...

Eniwei, I will try to enjoy every single day that I am still here in the Philippines.

Waiting for my last cry

2007-11-05T20:28:00.000+08:00

I've been hurting for almost a month. Sabi nila it's better if I feel the pain so I can move on easily but it was really hard for me. I cried everytime I saw him happy with his "the one". Yeah, you can call me selfish but that is what I really feel.

Call me bad coz I'm using a guy friend just to know if he would be jealous. Although sometimes it's unintentional. One instance, I told this guy friendof mine about this and he said "Malala ka na magpatingin ka na sa doctor". Yes, perhaps I'm crazy but sometimes I want to hurt him, I just don't know if it's working. Hahaha, czazy me!

I wanna end this feeling soon. Hopefully soon..

Just when I thought I found happiness....

Well, just for a moment...

Buti na lang madami ako friends....

2007-10-23T20:49:00.000+08:00

Makulit ako, oo. Ilang tao na ba ang nagsabi non?!
Ewan di ko na mabilang but I really appreciate the people who made me realize that I was wrong. Tigas lang talaga ulo ko.

However there is one person whom I appreciated so much. Akala ko kasi dati kalokohan lang alam nya tas wala sya pakialam sa kin kahit ako super concern kasi nga friend ko sya. But just now he made me realize that he really cares for me as a friend at concern sya sa kin.

Nakakatawa kasi lahat ng tao ini-expect na sya ung "The One" ko kaso hindi.

I am really thankful na naging friends kami.

Is it Over?!

2007-10-15T20:38:00.000+08:00

I can't trace back how did it happen but it happen for a reason.
Maybe the time was not right but the feelings were undeniably true.
The situation is complicated but we both took the risk.
Not thinking of what other people may say.
We both decided to go with the flow and enjoyed our moments.
You always told me that you want to protect me.
I completely understand what you said but I couldn't deny the guilt and the fear that I felt everytime that we're together.
Just lately someone made us realize to think of the future.
We were both bothered on how difficult the situation was for the two of us.
Until the time came that I felt the coldness.
We decided to part ways but promise to retain the friendship.

*****
But is it really over for the two of us?
How could I say it's over if you are still there knocking on my heart.
How could I say it's over if you stares at me as if you want to hugged me.
How could I say it's over if I always melt whenever I hear your voice.
How could I say it's over if I became so weak everytime you smile at me.
How could I say it's over if it's you whom I dreamt of every night.
How could I say it's over if it's you whom I think of everyday.

*****
Self-realization:
It's not enough that you are happy, you also need to consider the people around you and the complicated world that you might disturbed.

Primadonna

2007-07-30T20:12:00.000+08:00

I had a dream before, the scene was in a hotel room, I opened the door and there I saw a man and a woman. I never knew what that means but I was bothered by that dream.

A new officemate who's been so primadonna is the new "baby" in our team. In her first month I tried to undertstand her giving excuses in her deeds. " Oh maybe she's just new that's why she wants to work with someone beside her and maybe because she's an only child that's why she's so childish, or maybe because she's rich and came from school near SM Manila.

But last week, I started to hate this girl. I hate her so much that I couldn't take to see her face, to seat beside her at lunchtime and I hardly talk to her (only for business matters). I must admit and every body knows that, I am one of the most impatient person in this world but promise I'm trying to be nice to everyone. Some people may think that I was just jealous because he is always with her so I didn't tell anybody 'bout my feelings.

Tonight, my officemate ask me to have a dinner with her bcause she wants to confide something. To my surprise she opened the topic about that girl. Wahaha "I'm not alone". And we're not two but three.

I don't know how long I can stand with this situation. I am not in speaking terms to her nor to him. Ang hirap kyang magtrabaho ng may kinaiinisan ka.

Ang babaw ko nga naisip ko n magresign dahil sa knila. Parang tanga magreresign dahil broken hearted (hehehe).

Lam nyo ba na yung 2 taong nasa panaginip ko ay silang dalawa nakakabadtrip so may premonition na talaga.

Kakapagod

2007-07-11T21:23:00.000+08:00

Waaaaahhhh....umiyak na naman ako ngayong araw.. parang tanga di ko ma explain basta tumulo lang luha ko actually khapon pa yon tas kanina d na talaga napigilan..hahaha.. Sabi ko lang naman sa kanila i need a hug tas yun nung niyakap ako ni bru e nagdire direcho n yung luha ko. Ang nakakainis lang ang dami nakakita pati yung mga boss ko kya ayun pinauwi nila ko ng maaga tas niyaya kumain. Ayoko sana kasi lam ko naman na iha-hot seat ako kaso di ako makatanggi. At yun nga hanggang sa kainan ay umiyak p din ako habang nagkwekwento.. Kainis talaga..

Ang totoong rason non ay dahil sa sobrang stress tas may mga bagay na gusto kong gawin pero di ko magawa dahil sa work. Di na rin ako masyado nakakuwi sa min. Ewan nga kung dahil pa rin ba to sa responsabe ako o tanga ko lang talaga. Kasi di ako mapalagay pag critical yung lote, hindi ko talaga maiwan. Kaya ayun daming OT topnotcher na nga ulit ako eh.

Sabayan pa na lokohin ako ng katrabaho ko n magagaya ako sa manager namin kasi masyado dedicated sa work. Ok lng gaya as in maging manager din kaso yung walang lovelife wag naman.. Baka nga yun yung rason.. huhuhu ayoko magaya sa kanya... Wahahaha joke lang di yun ung dahilan naalala ko lang.

Wednesday sickness

2007-06-13T21:27:00.000+08:00

I'm not feeling well today. I was not sure if I even had 5 hrs of sleep. I was awaken around 3am this morning. I was attacked by my monthly sickness (dysmenorrhea). The hell with it why did it attacked early that morning. I tumble on my bed looking for the right position to lessen the pain but still I can't help myself.

Around 630am I prepared my self for work but still thinking twice if I should, my excuse naman ako if I won't come...hehehe.. Mahirap lang kasi ngayon lalaki n yung boss ko di tulad dati.. However my love for work (ehem! as if) or should I say ang pagiging responsable ko pushed me to still come to work.
But then wala ako na-accomplish sa araw na to. Ni hindi ko nga naumpisahan ang weekjly report ko pano puro delayed ang activties.

Lahat ng tao natarayan ko. Nasermonan yung mga team mates ko at pati yung boss ko tinarayan ko na. Ewan pero may mga pagkakataong di ko talaga sya gusto paano kasi ang gulo. Madalas delayed ang evaluations dahil sa kanya at dami pang pinapagawa n wala sa plan. Basta ang gulo nya. Nakakairita talaga!!!

To be continued to for the detailed story.....

Change

2007-05-17T22:16:00.000+08:00

"The only permanent in this world is change."

Now I realize what kind of work I really wanted. A work which is very dynamic, research and development to be more concrete. I feel bored when I do repetitive work, that is why I was thinking to work for a project based company. But maybe not for now, I am quite happy with my new workload since I am assigned on a new team which is the new material and equipment. This team is formed just this year wherein our basic function is to qualify new materials and to assess current process and machine capabilities. I would like to try this work which I think is a good chance to learn and learn new technology.

******
For this fiscal year, our section has different strategy to level up skills of the engineers. But then I really can't understand why the other engineers do not want change. They wanted to remain working as engineer/operator/technician/transporter which should not be the case. Engineers should also know the basics but then they should do engineering works.

Until now, there are times when I feel that I am extraordinary, I have different wavelength and I am not and I can't be one of them. No! It's not that I am a snob or trying to elevate my self it's just that there are things that is hard for me to understand especially about human behavior. Maybe that is why I can't be a sociologist or psychologist eventhough I am trying hard to be one.

Oh well, that's life! And this is me, mi!

Leaving on a jetplane

2007-04-15T22:23:00.000+08:00

Last saturday, nagdinner kami sa isang Chinese restaurant last day na kasi nya. I must admit affected ako kahit papano ewan basta malungkot ako mas malungkot pa ko kesa ng umalis si Hanna. (don't get me wrong mas importante c hanna kesa sa kanya cguro kasi si hanna mkikita ko pa in the near future siya baka hindi na.) For 1 year, he's been my mentor. He's different from other Japanese, he believes on my principles and to my capabilities, most of the time we had the same wavelength. Everytime we had a chit chat, he always ask me how I feel that day. Even if I say I'm fine he knew when I'm not feeling well. He knew that I'm bored with my previous work and I want something more technical and related to research. He knows that I want to take up my masters degree (hopefully in Japan). I think he's one of the reasons why I'm with my new work assignment. Alam nya kasi na something like that yung gusto ko.

His last word for me, " I'll be waiting for you in Japan". I wanna say sana nga kaso andon si.... na may crush yata sa kanya.

Mamimiss ko siya sobra....

P.S. He's getting married that's why he's coming back to Japan.

Baguio Escapade

2007-04-11T21:33:00.000+08:00

Bakasyon grande.....

teambuilding 07

2007-04-02T20:53:00.000+08:00

Last saturday we had our teambuilding in a hotel somewhere in Lipa.Actually, it's different from the normal concept of teambuilding wherein physical and mental activities are laid to the groups in order to build camaraderie among the group. In our case, the aim of the activity is to make annual plan for the whole team. The new organization was also announce during this time.

I was transferred to a new team wherein the main thema is new material and equipment. Basically as far as I understand I will handle new technology and based on our annual plan the category and new product will be the main thema of our team. From my point of view my new work is very challenging and exciting. I just hope that all the plans will materialize.

Again, I am at the stage of thinking twice if I should leave or not.

" Bakit ganon tuwing decided na ko na magresign may mga dumarating namang pagbabago na feeling ko pabor sa kin kya nahihirapan ako umalis. Ilang beses ko pa babaguhin ang date ng resignation letter ko? Kelan kya yung time na maipiprint ko na siya at mapapirmahan? "

** I need signs...."

March 15, 2005

2007-03-15T22:26:00.000+08:00

I had the most horrifying(so far) encounter with my manager today. I presented the result of my evaluation but then he believed some points have lacking discussion . Yeah some part I must say but some he just couldn't understand. Enewei before I further elaborate my story I should first describe him. Our general manager is a Nihonjin, we call him "K" because he kicks like a horse. Criticism is his best sword over his subordinates. Because of this most people hated him but accdg to oldies he is much nicer nowadays. Can u imagine how life goes everyday specially to his favorite sons (synonym. prodigal sons)?

Well, going back to my story. I presented the result with my superior beside me. However he doesn't have much knowledge in the topic. Buti na lang, my savior came, vener san of eng'g team. He tried to simplify things so that K could understand but still his mind was closed for my explanation.... Grabe, even I spoke tagalog with sir vener to explain my side akalain mo he understood and said noh that's wrong thinking..blah blah blah. But... Noh that's wrong thinking...

Ok lng naman sa kin na barahin nya ko pero ang di kinaya ng powers ko ay ng sabihin nyang "Did you even graduated in university", sorry napashet ako pero mahina lang..hehe.. You know why he reacted that way. Dahil sa isang graph na hindi ko nalagyan ng name ang X and Y axis.. Duh?! un lng ung wala the rest meron. Then he's asking me that question.

But in the end kahit na umiyak ako ng sobra I still have the last laugh. Dahil sabi nga nila matalino man ang matsing napaglalangan din..

Sabi nya pala " your data is reliable"... Muntik na kong mahulog sa upuan ko. It's magic pero d lahat ung mga sa tingin ko lang ay my noise..wihihi..

I wanted to say " I'm not just a graduate from a university I had a doctorate degree.." hehehe...

Secret lang ha...

Evaluation

2007-02-27T21:57:00.000+08:00

1 week na kong umuuwi not earlier than 10pm. Top 1 na nga ako sa OT. Palakad-lakad sa line naghahabol ng mga lote. Madalas di ko alam kung san ba ko pupunta lalo na kung di ko makita ang lote. Ganito din ang buhay di ko lam kung san ako dadalhin. Wag daw muna dahil my plan para sa kin. Ewan naguguluhan na ko I dont know the concrete plan for me pero sa ngayon wala pa rin akong apply sa ibang company. Yung desire ko na pumunta sa bundok at magmina wala na rin di ko na maasikaso. Kaw ba naman ang tambakan ng gawain, ang endorsan ng superior mo na paresign na. Sino pang gagawa ng kanyang trabaho e d AKO, AKO, at AKO. Swerte nga ba na napalipat ako sa gusto ko o malas dahil ako n lahat ngayon. Ok lang naman mag-isa kaso sa mga panahon na may evaluation katulad ngayon kailangan kong magovernight para makakuha ng data. Minsan iniisip ko di ko kailangan gawin yon dahil hindi ako si darna tao lang ako napapagod pero wala naman akong choice. Mag-absent ba naman kasi ang operator mo sa kalagitnaan ng evaluation aba maiinis ka talaga. Pero eto ending frustrated pa rin dahil sa kulang kulang ang data ko. At sabi pa ng Japanese support e kelangan daw na ulitin. Aba gusto ko na siyang murahin sinabi na kasing hindi kaya at kulang sa manpower. Bakit b nmn kasi ganon sya di b nya alam kung gano kaluwang ang production para magmonitor sa iba't ibang process at the same time...Ang kapal ng mukha ng mag-utos e d nmn sya ang gumagawa.. mga Hapon talaga..haaay.. naghihimutok na naman..

Still crying

2007-01-07T20:46:00.000+08:00

I'm on leave this coming wednesday but not so happy because another year had gone by without her. I never said to anyone how much I missed her. Others may think that I am ok but deep inside me there is still an empty space in my life that would never ever be filled again.

A long journey would still come on my way before I could see her again.

I am now used to not seeing her and I am happy that she is now living in paradise. I know that from far across the sky she is watching and guiding us everyday.

I wanna thank you for everything. For trying to bring the best out of me and for supporting me in my dreams. Please continue helping me to be strong and guide me in my decisions.

I love you! mwaaah!

Kailan titigil ang ulan?

2007-01-07T19:48:00.000+08:00

Kailan titigil ang ulan?

Hanggang kelan magiging makulimlim ang panahon. Madilim palagi ang kalangitan, walang tao sa paligid, malungkot ang mga ibon at mga bulaklak. Ayokong lumabas ng bahay sa mga ganitong panahon.

Mtagal na rin akong nasa ganitong kalagayan. Minsan akala ko sumisilip na ang panibagong araw pero hindi pala. Isa lamang ito sa mga pangarap na matagal ko nang hinihintay ngunit hanggang ngayon ay nananatiling pangarap.

Bakit nga ba ganon? Ano nga bang gayuma ang nakain ko upang mabaliw ng ganito.

Haay..wala na naman akong maisulat na matino kaya eto nagsisentimyento.

I'm finally decided(yahoo!)

2006-12-27T21:14:00.000+08:00

I've been thinking of this decision for almost a week and this morning I had finally told to my manager that I will not accept the training to Japan. It was a very tough decision, I must say. Some people thinks that I am stupid, a woman hoping to get her ideal job. There are people who cannot understand me because most of them advised me to grab the opportunity which they think is very rare. Yes, I believe it's an opportunity but I still stood with my ideals.

(Did you know that my manager told me that she understands my decision.. ewan lang din because the last time I ask her to put me in the process aba ang gulo ko daw buti nga she's giving me the chance to choose..hihihi..ang sama ko)

I really want to handle process and not an office work. It's a very tiring work for me, sitting all day in the office waiting for the data to be finish and then make a report out of the data which are delivered to me by other engineers(feeling manager..hehehe.. )

Well, I will not yet pass my resignation letter but for sure I will leave the company as soon as possible unless they will offer me the one year.. possible??? we'll see..(hahahaha)..

2006-12-01T17:37:00.000+08:00

Holiday nagyon kya eto todo pahinga bukas may pasok n naman..Physically di nmn ako pagod pero mentally nakakapagod. I'm so tired thinking if my choices and decisions are all accdg to His will.

Ang hirap mgdecide lalo na if it's about career move there are always risks but then I will never know the outcome until I decide on what actions I should take.

Kailangan ko ng magdecide maybe until next week but then I'm still waiting for the plan I need to see it think deeply and seek for some advice.

I badly need help!

Y?

2006-11-03T19:29:00.000+08:00

Why? That is the question that kept bugging my mind the whole night.

I went home around 8pm leaving my work behind and hoping to get some sleep after a tiring day last Nov 1. And since I came from Bulacan that day I still need to redeem a 3 hrs of sleep.

I planned to go to bed early that night so that I can go to work at 6am the next day. However, I received a text that made me freak-out. I've been asking why? what is the intention? Is that a mere accident or intentional? I don't know how to react. Every msg that I sent is a pain in the ass. I don't know why? and I could never tell why coz I'm not a psychic. I can't read minds.

***
I accept that I should also also be blamed bcoz was so paranoid but it's hard to trust a person whom you don't really know in the first place.

Hoping this would be the last.. Please leave me alone..

***
PS: I'm happy for you :D

WHY?

2006-08-27T20:10:00.000+08:00

"Some of the engineers have lack of knowledge. They don't even know the chemical reactions and the principles of agitaion and bubbling..etc.etc.."

"DUH?!wat do you expect, they are ECE grad and not chem engrs" These are the words I wanna throw to those Japanese during one of our meetings. If only they designate the people at the proper place or they have proper trainings to understand the basic in the process, they wouldn't look down to Filipinos like that.

Mga bwisit!! I really wanna stepped out of the room at that moment coz those rude Japanese, they were chatting and laughing for almost and hour as if there were no Filipinos inside that room.I was so paranoid that they were laughing at us and they were thinking Filipinos are losers.

Haay, ang KAPAL talaga ng mga Japanese na yon feeling nila ang talino nila at ang gagaling nila....Yun nga lang kasi it's our fault naman kasi because most Filipinos treat them as if they are royal kings..

Wala lng nakakairita kasi..

My high school barkada

2006-08-23T21:49:00.000+08:00

I can't even remember the last time I saw them. Around 2 yrs, 3 yrs?

Last Sunday my high school friends decided to hang out. There were only four of us but we were able to the munched a bucket of chicken(I bet you couldn't imagine it). As in sarap to the bones.

After that, we watched "Sukob" eventhough at first chel is hesistant because she does'nt want to have nightmares but in the end she doesn't have a choice but to come because majority wins...(hehe..) When we were already inside the moviehouse chel almost sunk to her seat and she's watching with her eyes closed (pwede ba yon???).

We parted ways after having a plan of seeing each other again on the 10th of September. I hope matuloy and sana my other barkada would also come...

2006-06-22T19:14:00.000+08:00

Feb.-UP Fair, that was the last time I visited my alma mater. I met some of my blockmates and orgmates.
*****
Today is Jun 22, 2006, hindi ako pumasok because I have to fix something. Maaga ako natapos kaya naman naisipan kong dumaan ng UP para kunin ang diploma and also to meet my blockmates. I first met Ever sa Philcoa to have lunch. Nakita namin don si Gracey kaya ayon kwento kwento. They're preparing kc for board exam.

Nagpunta kami ni Ever sa NEC after, andon c Brian at c Cedric. They're conducting experiment ng dumating kami. After clas, minit ko cla Marco at Jun, Nakita ko din c Tere at Jen kaso di kami masyado matagal nagkausap. And then nagstay ako sa NEC to wait for Doc Judge, ang paborito kong thesis adviser. Habang naghihintay pinapanood ko sila Bri doing their research. "Buti p sila nagagamit nila ang pinagaralan nila." Hapon n ng maghihiwalay kami parang ayoko nga sanang umalis gusto ko undergrad ulit ako pero hndi pwede.

Sobrang detailed ba ng kwento ko? Ganito ko kasi namiss ang UP. habang nasa tuktok ako ng NEC naalala ko yung mga nangyari nung undergrad. Yung clas namin kay doc judge na gibagabi na kami ng uwi kapag my exam at yung mga lab clas namin na parang naglalaro lang.. nakakamiss talaga yung mga tao iba lang talaga ang feeling kapag nasa labas ka na ng UP....

Lost in space

2006-06-22T18:47:00.000+08:00

Eversince highschool I made my own decision. I don't ask permission from my parents I just tell them my plans. I thought I am used to it, making decisions on my own. But nowadays, I felt so helpless in deciding whether to stay or leave the company. In the past few weeks I've been asking my friends and relatives what to do hoping that it would help me to finally decide. However, as time passes by i get more confused some wanted me to stay others do not.

****
Last month, I finally decided to leave the company by the end of June but then before I have finalized my resignation letter my mngr told us that possibly we will be trained abroad. This can spice up my resume but then this will also means "bond", serving the company for 1 year or so. It's hard for me to think of the bond because in those times that you are serving the company there are so many opportunities to come.Aside from this, I want to practice my profession, being a professional met engr.

haay.. I really missed school. When I was a student I don't need to decide in a situation as hard as this one.

****
I'm looking for signs but it seems that this work is meant for me.

A fact that is hard to accept.

Still Looking For Answers

2006-03-27T17:15:00.000+08:00

I've been working for 5 months and 2 days but still I'm not sure with my job. I always ask myself why am I still here? And when I looked back I remember that I have pray for this job before I get into it. But now I'm praying for the signs if I need to quit this job or this is really His will.

Eversince, my superiors know that I find my work boring since I need to sit in the front of my laptop all day. I really want to be expose in the process and know the technicalities in the production but unfortunately I was not assigned in that job.

Last weekend our team had our "teambuilding" (but in reality it is annual planning) in Tagaytay. WE stayed in a hotel for 1 1/2 days. That time our mngr also announced the reshaffling in our group. Finally, the time has come and the manager ask me if I want to stay in my team. I said that I really want to be involve in the technical job. She decided to put me in in last team I wana part of. Then she asked me I am decided. I think for a while and then decided to go back to my team. She's a bit angry with me coz I'm quite undecided. But it's really hard for me to decide at that moment.

After that I went back to the room with my immediate superiors. In a few minutes tears fell in my eyes. I dont know why.

Most of my officemates told me that they want my position but me? I'm not happy with it. The job maybe very interesting and promising since this is in demand right now but iut's just that I am not used in officeworks. I took up engineering because I wanna be in the production. In other words I want to be part of the action.

In the past 5 months I'm struggling to stay in this job. I have decided several times to quit but because of future opportunities I stayed .

a friend of mine told me that maybe the problem is not the job or the company. The problem is "ME". Partially it's true because I'm having a hard time to love and enjoy my work . I don't know if it's possible but who knows one day I will and moreover I will have a passion it.

But for now I'm still confused.....

Working like a horse

2005-12-04T19:05:00.000+08:00

"Hindi ko hawak ang aking buhay"

8 hours is not enough for the people in our company. I'm still thinking why they have to work that long. Do they really need to do that e they still have all day the next day? Because of that "habit", we neophytes are required to stay in the company eventhough we really want to go home. Everytime someone asks me what time I will go home my answer is always "I don't no!". Then they'll asked, "Anong shift mo?" "Uhmmm.. 8 to sawa..." Hindi n nga kami makapaglakwatsa kht gustuhin nmin dahil hindi nga kami parepreho ng sked. Even Sat off pumapasok p ko kht hindi ko tlga gusto wala akong mgawa. Aside from that I need to get there in the office by 750. It will be considered morally late if I exceed even 1 minute at may fine yon n 40 pesos(buti hindi p ko sinisingil). There are times n naisip ko na nakakasakal na, magandang training sa discipline pero dapat may limitations. Minsan nga gusto ko ng maging pasaway kung hindi lng mgrereflect yon sa clearance. Pero promise I'll try..hehehe... Hindi ko alam kung tatagal pa ko pero I think 1 more month is enough before I finally decide to leave. Haay...

****to be continued****

Hello Everyone!

2005-12-04T18:26:00.000+08:00

D ko n alam kung kelan ako last n nakapag internet but I am sure that was before I had my work, more than a month n rin yon. Namiss n nga ko ng mga tao..hehehe.. Enewei ano p bang topic ng blog ko e d work. I was assigned sa trabahong sa tingin ko ay boring at the same time mahirap para sa isang baguhan. Ano ang alam ko sa design ng isang product n hindi ko alam kung pano ginagawa. Puro risk assessment material yung gnagwa ko. Ok lng nmn dahil may material na and I'll just compile the data pero ang hirap gawan ng analysis ng data na hindi mo alam kung para san yon. Tapos kelangan ko p malaman lahat in 2 months dahil magreresign n ang immediate superior ko dhil nahihirapan n daw sya. E naisip ko pano p kya ako e bago lng ako. Because of this binalak ko n magresign n. Pero nagbago ang ihip ng hangin dahil may dumating n mga bagong trainee sa section namin at medyo may nakakasama n ko at nakakatulong sa work. I'm giving myself 1 more month bago tuluyang nagdecide. Saka sayang ang Christmas package..hehehe...

Jinx

2005-08-30T18:59:00.000+08:00

I wasn't expecting this...almost 3 weeks p lang since I had my period pero kanina grabe I was shocked when I found out n meron...huhuhu..Hindi ko alm kung may curse b ko or talagang jinx lang dahil twice n to ngyayari. The last time was when we went to Laguna pra mag apply din tapos ganon dn ngyari...grrrr..ang hirap p nmn kumilos nakaformal k n nga tapos meron k p..

hay naku talaga...

Ms. Engineer

2005-08-28T16:14:00.000+08:00

Alas, I'm an engineer now.
After 3 months ng pgbabasa at pag aaral I am now a licensed engineer.
I took my oath last thursday.
Ang bilis ng mga pangyayari parang kailan lng at
graduation tapos nag attend ako ng review.
Then 2 weeks ago nag exam n kami and a day after the last day may result n.
grabeeh ang bilis talaga.
Ngayon ko masasabing hindi n talaga ako estudyante,
isa n akong ganap n professional.
Kya nmn dapat n kong maghanap ng trabaho...hahaha..

Nagpapasalamat talaga ako kay God dahil ipinasa nya ko. Gayundin sa mga taong nagdaasal, nagtiwala at sumuporta sa kin. May God BLess you All!!!!

kainis

2005-08-22T17:13:00.000+08:00

kainis...ang haba n ng natype ko tapos biglang nawala..shet talaga..after almost 2 months yata mapopost n ulit ako ng bago tapos ganito...kinis talaga...grrrr...nxt time n lang ulit..

Nowhere to go?!

2005-07-03T18:09:00.000+08:00

friend: Anong plano mo? San ka magwowork?
Me: Ha?! Ewan hindi ko pa alam e.
****************
Cousin: San k nagapply?
Me: Wala p e.
Cousin: May plano k b sa buhay?
Me: Hindi ko nga alam e.
****************
Bro: San k ba magtatrabaho?
Me: Ewan. Hindi p ko nag aapply e.
****************

BiL Li (Mr Perfect)

2005-05-16T18:38:00.000+08:00

" He's simply amazing" - accdg to his write-up kc nmn gwapo n matalino pa at varsity pa

I met him when I was in my sophomore year in UP. He was my classmate in Physics 71. Frend nya si Mico at Paolo. The first thing I notice was his eyes (syemps)...hihihi..Wala akong alam sa kanya kung hindi swimmer sya (take note varsity), mech engg ang course nya at ang student number nya ay.....(hehehe stalker?) The last time I saw him was nung graduation he is so cute grabe pamatay ang eyes.... Yun n yata yung last n magkikita kami kya I've decided to invite him sa friendster para naman makikita ko p dn yung pics nya saka kht papano my update... at kanina nga napansin ko n inapprove n pala nya...yipeeeeee...ang saya saya......

M-A-Y

2005-05-03T16:49:00.000+08:00

It's May already, my favorite month.
Not just because it's my month but I think it's the happiest month (may nga kc e :).
With the foods in the fiestas and flowers that bloom during this month (look at the sidewalks of University Ave ang cute ng sunflowers d ba...hehehe) ang saya talaga.
In one week time I'll be celebrating the most important day in my life.
Whooh?! I'm not getting any younger huhuhu....
Another year means more responsibilities (at dadami n nmn ang kairesponsablehan ko).
I've tried to start reviewing for the board exam pero mas masarap matulog e.
aaaahhh.... d ko n alam susunod kong isusulat kya tatapusin ko n lang ng ganito. Byebye na lang at salamat sa mga patuloy n nagtytyaga sa pgbasa ng mga entry ko...hahaha.

I'm Back

2005-04-20T19:44:00.000+08:00

Akala ko matatagalan pa bago ako makabalik pero hindi andito n ko. Para sa mga nagtataka kung bakit ang tagal ko ng walang isinusulat galing kc ako sa ibang mundo at sa wakas andito n ko. Madali lang pala, ganon kasimple..hahaha.. Salamat sa mga taong nagtiyaga sa pakikinig. Salamat n lamang at nakita kita ulit at dahil sa yo bumalik ako sa mundo ko.

A Disgrace

2005-04-20T19:24:00.000+08:00

Graduation is coming pero bakit ganon hindi ko masyado nilulook forward. Dati wala akong pakialam sa grades ko khit ano ok lang basta ba kumpleto ang tulog ko at nakakapaglakwatsa ako. Pero ngayon may bahid ng pagsisisi tuwing naiisip ko na sa lahat ng batchmates na taga BSU n ng aral sa UP ako lang yata ang hindi LAUDE. Tama nga at hindi sila engg kaya ok lang. Pero pag naiisip ko na sa mga pinsan ko n nggraduate din sa UP ako lang din ang hindi LAUDE, considering n mahihirap din naman ang course nila e nakakahiya n talaga.
Ayan malapit na ang board exam pero alam ba nila kung gaano ang pressure n nararamdaman ko sa ngayon? Dati pa ayoko n ng course n to dahil nga kay kuya lahat ng tao umaasa na mapapantayan ko sya o hihigitan ko pa pero hindi ako katulad nila masipag, matalino. Haay.. ang hirap mapabilang sa mundo ng matatalino at ikaw ang pinakabobo.

Once in My Life

2005-04-20T19:21:00.000+08:00

Once in my life, I met you.
Once in my life,I hang out with you.
Once in my life,I care for you.
Once in my life,I go crazy over you.
Once in my life,I argue with you.
Once in my life,I hate you.

One Last Cry

2005-04-20T19:00:00.000+08:00

Pauwi na sana ko nang di sinasadyang makita kita.
Masaya ka habang ako naghihimutok sa sobrang inis.
Minura kita.
Mayamaya pa nadama ko ang lagapak ng iyong kamay sa aking mukha.
Pigil ang luhang naglakad ako papalayo sa yo.
Ngunit nakakailang hakbang pa lang ako tumulo ang luha sa aking mga mata.
Kainis..grrr...
Pero salamat n lang dahil dati hindi ko naramdaman ang sakit ngayon damang dama ko ko na.
Nang araw ding iyon pinangako ko n iyon na ang huling beses na iiyak at masasaktan ako dahil sa yo.

What's next?!

2005-04-05T19:01:00.000+08:00

Someone asked me, "Oi anong feeling ng graduating?".
Ewan kung ano isinagot ko sa kanya.
Hindi ko n matandaan.
Ngayon naalala ko ulit ang tanong nya.
At ngayong sigurado na akong gagraduate.
Eto at naisip ko n.
Mixed emotions e, masaya dahil s wakas ay natapos n din pero nakakapressure dahil na "real world" na ko.
Yung tipong dapat kontrolado ko na ang buhay ko, may sariling desisyon.
Madami na ngang nagtatanong kung anong plans ko.
Pero sa totoo lang hindi pa ko sigurado.
Ngayon ko pa lang iisipin after ko malaman n pasado ako sa ES 21.
Naniniwala kc ako na I shoud take 1 step at a time.
Kaya bago ko mag isip para sa plano after grad dapat alam ko muna kung gagraduate ako.
Tama nman yun d b?
Pero ang totoong mamimiss ko sa college life ay ang mga taong nakilala ko, blockmates, acquaintances, orgmates and profs.
Special mention syempre yung mga friendly friends ko, c hanna, maan, ariel, ever, lloyd at norman.
Ang mga orgmates ko na kahit sandaling panahon lang kami nagkasama ay naging masaya nman ako c hazel, mandie, at jeric.
Ano ba ito namamaaalam? malapit na ba ko mamatay?
Hindi. Wag naman sana marami pa kong pangarap.
One thing I am sure kahit hindi ko man sila makita I will always remember and treasure those memories that we have shared. ( drama ko n)
Tiyak na mamimiss ko din ang crammings lalo pag may deadlines at exams..hahaha..
Pero ano nga ba talaga ang naghihintay sa kin after grad?
Ewan, hindi ko pa alam.
Wala pa din ako plano pag iisipan ko muna.

Saan?

2005-04-05T18:43:00.000+08:00

Ang dating magandang panaginip ay naging isang bangungot.
Tama, dapat na nga akong gumising.
Ang pangarap kong paraiso ay naging impiyerno.
Tama, dapat na nga akong bumalik sa aking mundo.
My friend told me,
" It's not all about moving on, it's moving on and going somewhere else."
Tama naman sya pero hindi yun ganon kadali.
Konting panahon n lang naman.

Truth or dare

2005-03-30T13:42:00.000+08:00

Sensitive ako, oo, mababaw at iyakin pero sa bawat pag-agos ng luha ay ang pagkalimot. Hindi ko din ugaling magbilang ng kasalanan pero nasa ganito akong sitwasyon. Totoo nga yatang madaling magpatawad pero mahirap makalimot lalo na kung ilang beses na itong ginagwa sa yo. Madalas naglalaro sa isip ko if they are saying those things dahil concern sila sa kin or maybe that's another way to protect their ego. Pero alin nga ba sa mga sinasabi nila ang totoo? Ewan, mahirap manghusga lalo na kung iba ang ginagawa nila sa sinsabi. Cguro hindi ng anila alam n mas madaling tanggapin ang katotohanan kesa malaman mo sa huli na mukha ka nang tanga dahil iba ang alam mo sa mga totoong nangyayari.

The Aftermath

2005-03-20T11:28:00.000+08:00

once, twice, thrice...
I couldn't remember how many times he slapped me.
My body is so numb that I couldn't feel anything.
We started to argue.
He accused me of something I never did.
I cried in front of him coz I was really hurt.
I tried to explain my side but he refused to listen.
After few minutes, he started to talk and asked for forgiveness.
"It's alright, you're forgiven", I said.
We parted ways and I started to walk without knowing my destination.
That time I realized that we hardly knew each other.

The next day, I saw him.
I thought it's over but I could still feel the pain.
I don't know when would this be over.
I'm not mad at him but I just can't forget what happen.
I know I should forget it and him, but it's really hard.

"just releasing the burden...sowee.."

haay....

2005-03-19T19:18:00.000+08:00

after a week of cramming, sa wakas tapos n exams ko..after holy week n ulit pero mukhang hindi yata ako matatahimik at kelangan ko talagang magpenitensya since malabo yung 2 kong subjects..hay naku...kinakabahan ako hirap ng graduating pero tagilid ang standing. Minsan naiisip ko n nga kung panong paawa ang gagawin ko sakaling bumagsak ako (pero wag nmn sana dumating sa point na yon). Napepressure n talaga ko hirap ng daming nag eexpect na gagraduate k n. Mas excited p nga sila sa kin habang ako abot langit ang kaba. Gusto ko sanang magplano pero hindi muna dahl mas nakakdepress kpag biglang nagulo ang mga bagay bagay..haay..hayyy...

on friendship

2005-03-13T05:21:00.000+08:00

" A friend understands wen you say " I forgot", waits forever when you say "just a minute", stays with you when you say "leave me alone" and opens his/her heart even before you knock."

Peo hanggang kelan nga ba ako kelangang maghintay? Hanggang kelan ako dapat magpasensya? At hanggang kelan ako dapat umintindi?

Paano kung ayaw n nya talagang bumalik? Ipaglalaban mo pa ba sya kung sabi nga ni hana sya na mismo ang sumuko sa labanan? Kasalanan ba kung sumuko n rin ako? Ayoko pa sana pero sa nakikita ko wala na itong patutunguhan. Di na maibabalik ang dating samahan.

Katulad ito ng isang vase n pagkatagal-tagal kong iningatan dahil mahalaga sa akin. Pero isang araw nabasag ito. Pinilit kong pagdikit-dikitin pero walang nangyari. At natatakot ako na kahit madikit ko p ito hindi na rin maibabalik ang dati nitong ganda.

Isang araw sa buhay ko

2005-03-13T05:09:00.000+08:00

It's been a tiring day for me. Mghapon kaming nagpractice ng sayaw for my streetdance class. Grabe, kakapagod talaga! Imagine from 9 am to 5 pm kaming nagsasayaw. But I'm so happy kc natuto akong mag baby freeze. For the benefit ng mgas taong d nakakaalam kung ano. Stunt yon kung san yung dalawang paa mo nakataas habang sinunuport ng dalawang kamay at ulo mo yung buong katawan. Ang saya ko talaga nung nagawa ko yun .It's a great achievement for me. Ang hirap kya non.

After ng maghapong sayaw. Overnyt nman para sa paper. Pero nakatulog nmn kami kya eto hindi p din kami tapos..huhuhu....Mamya gawa nmn ng paper para sa physics. Sa limang exam ko next week wala p kong naaaral.

Wala lang nagdadrama lang.

Ballpen

2005-03-08T16:49:00.000+08:00

after two weeks, may bago n kong ballpen. Imagine nakatagal ako ng two weeks n walang ballpen. Pinansin n nga ako ng teacher ko sa ES 21 ng minsang ng-quiz kmi. Sabi nya" Papahirapan mo p kong magcheck ng paper mo". kasi nmn pencil ang gamit. Sa mga panahong wala akong bolpen naiisip ko yung parker kong ballpen. Grabeehh. pinakaka ingat-ingat ko yun dati. Bakit? hmmmmm.... may sentimental value kaya yun sa kin. Pero nawala p din dun sa pinag-OJT-han ko. Sino b nmn kasi ang malupet n nilalang na nandekwat non. D n naawa sa kin. Kahit n inaannounce ko n ililibre ko ng lunch ang sino mang makakapagbalik non wala p din...huhuhu...

Hulaan nyo kung anong ballpen ko.hmmmm.... Isang faber castell n tig sasampung piso. Khapon nung nasa natio ako inisip ko kung anong bolpen bibilhin ko pero umiral n naman ang kakuriputan ko. Isa p ilang linggo ko n lang nman yung gagamitin.

Isang linggong pasakit

2005-03-07T20:11:00.000+08:00

oh no! 2 weeks n lang daw accdg sa countdown ni ariel. ako d ko alam ayoko magbilang...ayoko nga tngnan ang kalendaryo e..kya eto ni wala akong planner ds past few weeks..haayyy...haaayyy...next week d ko lam kung pano ko pagkakasyahin ang sked ko ...saturday p nga lang d ko n alam kung san bang mtg ako aattend..haaaayyy..ang hirap...kc nmn tngnan nyo kya ang sked ko ewan ko lang kung d kyo mawindang..

monday -- presentation ng investigative report sa P6 73.1
-- take home exam sa EE 3 (to be submitted the ff day...gosh!
nakatawad p ko nyan ha dapat take out exam nga lang yan e)
tuesday -- presentation ng plant design
wednesday -- exam ng ES 21
Thursday -- finals Street dance
Friday -- exam sa met e 156
street indakan
deadline ng final paper sa 156

gosh!!! pano n...sana matapos ko lahat..
kainis p sa wednesday pinapapanood p kmi ng dance idol sa Aliw theater hello my clas kya ako at my exam...pede nmn n daw substitute yung elevate kaso d nya cnb agad d ako non nanood...saang kamay nmn ako maghahanap ng ticket n yun halos lahat ng alam kong mkktulong sa kin napagtanungan ko n pero wala p rin..at alm nyo b n maiincomplte ako pag d ko yun napass...lupet no!!!!

sana lang makita nyo pa ko after that week dahil sobrang pasakit ang linggong yon..huhuhu....

gustuhin ko mang magsked ng lakwatsa d ko n alam kung san ko isisingit...haaayy..nagyon ko nararamdaman ang sem n to....

A Sudden Change of Season

2005-03-05T13:23:00.000+08:00

Parang kailan lang ng sumikat ang haring araw. Naging maaliwalas ang paligid, bughaw n langit, mababangong bulaklak at nagliliparang paru-paro. Ngunit ilang linggo na ang nakalipas ng unti-unting kumukulimlim ang mga ulap, dahan dahang pumapatak ang ulan at nagmimistulang kawalan ang buong paligid. Damang dama ko ang lamig ng hangin. Gusto kong makawala sa lugar n ito pero pano? D ako makagalaw. Parang may kung anong pumipigil sa kin. Kayhirap mabuhay sa ganitong panahon, d makapg-aral, nkakawalang ganang kumain. Ang tanging paraan lamang upang makalimot ay ang pagtulog. Hindi ko alam kung hanggang kailan ito pero ganon p man kailangan kong mabuhay. Marahil kpag malayo n ko sa lugar n ito ay masasanay din ako. Pero kht hindi ko man masilayan ang araw sa ngayon. At kht sa ibang dako man sya sumikat masaya n din ako dahil alam kong sa bawat sinag n kanyang ibinibigay alam ko n iyon ang nagbibigay sa kanya ng kaligayahan. :)

can u help me

2005-03-02T13:23:00.000+08:00

Living on an edge, out of control
And the world won't just let myself down
But in my biggest picture was the photo of you & me
Girl, you know I tried
I work hard to provide all of the material things
That I thought will make you happy
I'm confused, can you make me understand
Cause I tried to give you the best of me
I thought we cool, maybe I was blind
But never took time to see

1 - Will you help me
Tell me what you want from me
Can you help me
Tell me why you wanna leave
Baby help me
Without you my whole world is fallin' apart
And I'm going crazy
Life's so crazy when you're in love for long
(Ooh girl I love you)
I need you to come back home
(You know I need you)
I don't want to be alone

Girl, I'll put your love up on the shelf
And I guess I'm just left here to die
Now we're not together
Cause I hurt you too many times
Now you're not around
I wish for every moment of time that got wasted
We used to make sweet love
Baby be my guide, please take my hand
Want you to know that I got you if you need it
I don't want to be on the outside looking in
I got have you girl, can't you see?

Repeat 1

Give me another chance, I want to be your man
Girl you got me down here on my knees
Crying, beggin' please, I'll do anything for your love
Oh

Repeat 1

Can you help me
Tell me why, why, why, why, why
Can you help me
Girl I'll never stop cause you're all I got
Can you help me
Help me understand why I can't be your man
Driving me crazy, crazy, crazy, crazy
Oh baby, oh oh-oh
(Oh girl I love you)
Said I love you
(You know I need you)
Oooh I need you
(Can't live without you)
I cant go one day without you

repeat...

3 - 1 = cannot be

2005-03-02T12:31:00.000+08:00

we started four in the group. but during our junior year one of us decided to join an org and as time passed by we lost her. she found her new set of friends. at first i cant accept the fact that she's not with us during gimmicks but slowly i've realized that i should be happy for her lalo n nkta n nya ang kanyang "the one". since then only the three of us sa lakwatsa: watch movies or eat out, mag aral at maggala, minsan kasama dn yung ibang blockmates. May mga pagkakataong hindi kami nagkakasundo pero madali nman nmin itong naaayos. I do believe that in every relationship, e.g. friendship, communication plays an important role lalo n kung d n kyo masyadong nagkikita. This sem iba iba n yung sked nmin pero ngkikita kami sa tambayan. However last November, parang bulang nawala ang isa sa min and I don’t know why. I made an effort last December to know the reason pero walang reply. Time flies (January, February....) at halos d kmi nag uusap kht p nagkikita. Iniintriga n nga kami ng mga clasmates nmin kung bakit daw hindi n kmi magkakasama. It's a very juicy chismis considering that we are known to be "the triplets". Although it's hard to admit pero dun talaga kami kilala ng mga tao. Last week I finally found out why. Sobrang nakakainis dahil hindi ko matanggap ang dahilan. nagkaron kc ng miscommunication. May nasabi yung isa n nmisunderstood nung isa and it is all the fault of one person.. sobrang kainis… Khit hindi ako kasali sa rason masakit pa rin sa kin n masayang ang halos limang taon nming pagkakaibigan. Gusto kong mamgitan pero mhirap dalang gumitna sa dalawang nag uumpugang bato. Finally, last saturday napg usapan n din nmin sa wakas kht sa text lang. That night nalinawan ko din ang mga malabong bagay at medyo ngkaintindihan nman kami. Kelangan n dn kc nmin isettle ang issue lalo n at nasa iisang group lang kmi kya d ko lam kung san ako lulugar. Last night, masaya ako dhil nraramdaman kong bumabalik n sa normal ang mga bagay bagay at sana magtuloy tuloy na. Sana nman...lalo pa at nagbibilang n lang kmi ng araw (hopefully). Haay.... buhay...buti n lang. S lahat ng ayoko ay nakikita ang mgkakibigan n nagaaway away dahil lang sa isang lalake... Dahil maski dati p pnramise ko n sa sarili ko n never as in never mngyayari yun sa kin. Mas madali yatang humnap ng lalake kesa mga true friends hehe....

the long day is over

2005-02-05T20:26:00.000+08:00

Katatapos lang ng outreach namin sa "He Cares Foundation". In case gusto nyong malaman ano yun. Well, its a foundation kung saan yung mga streetchildren ay tinuturuan nila sa acads pati n rin values education, pinapakain, etc. Akala nyo cguro napakabait namin at naisip namin ito. Honestly hindi kami mababait kelangan lang talaga coz it's part of our activities during anniv. hayy. grabe ang hirap talaga ako kc yung nagaasikaso non pero wala nman ako halos plans para don. Actually gusto ko na ngang magback out dahil sa tingin ko ay wala nmang aattend don kundi ako napaka apatheic kc ng mga mems nmin. pero buti n lang may sampung umattend, 2 apps at isang alumni. Can you imagine dat?! 50 yung nsa list ng mems at yun lang ang nag attend. Haayy.. poor org.. Pagdating nmin dun wala talaga akong gana dahil nga ang onti nmin at d ko alam kung pano maghandle ng mga batang ganong karami. Sobrang ingay nila mayat maya may nag aaway, may umiiyak pero kelangan tlaga ng mhabang pasensya. Buti n lang talaga at nakakapagtimpi ako. Sobrang igsi pa nman ng pasensya ko pagdating sa mga makukulit n bata yung mga pamangkin ko nga lang e naiirita n ko pag makulit cle e papano pa kya yung more than 40 kids. Wow talaga! But enewei nairaos naman kahit papano mahirap dahil sobrang kulit ng mga bata pero masaya din nman dahil kakaibang experience talaga yun. Sbi nga ng isa kong orgmate ayaw n yata nya magkaanak kung ganon din lang nman at mga pasaway yung magiging anak nya.

Naisip ko din na pano n ang pangarap kong magtayo ng orphanage. Hindi ko yata kakayanin yung kakulitan ng mga bata.. Hayyy...cguro isip n lang ako ng ibang way para makatulong.

May mga bagay din akong napatunayan, may mga tao talagang khit mayaman ay marunong pa ring makisama. D ko talaga naimagine n c _____ ay magagawa n makipag interact sa mga bata. Yun pa e kaunting dumi lang e nag iinarte n. daig p nga non babae. Iba k talaga pare! Napabilib mo ko...hehehe (pero lilinawin ko lang hindi n ko n sya crush dahil friends forever kmi..hahaha)

Thankful ako sa mga orgmates ko n nag attend d ko alam kung pano ko kyo pasasalamatan pero sobrang salamat. Salamat sa pagtittiyaga at pasenya. I know kung gano kahirap yung ginawa nila kya thank you.

Sa isang taong nagbigay din ng moral support sa kin kht sa text lang sobrang salamat. The fact n cnabi mo nya n "kya mo yan". It helps a lot dahil nagtitiwala sya sa kin.. E crush ko yun so it really means a lot for me...hehehe...

Alam ko nmang hindi to mababasa ng lahat ng tao pero cnulat ko pa din dahil sa tngin ko isa itong way para makapag thak you sa kanila...

LOVE YOU ALL!!!!

a confession

2005-02-04T20:21:00.000+08:00

"mabait, matalino, maganda ang mata, makulit at cute lalo n pag nakangiti "

almost two years n kming magkakilala pero hindi kmi masyadong close dati kc nman tahimik yun kya d ko sya napapansin, long hair pa. Last sem ko lang talaga sya medyo nakakkwentuhan dahil madalas kami kami lang nasa tambayan. Nung time din n yon nagpa skin head (weakness ko pa naman yun..haha) n sya tapos ang nasabi ko na lang "ang gwapo mo" pero hindi ko sya crush dat tym coz i'm still recovering from someone.hehe...

december, ng magkaron ng chance n makatext ko sya pero hindi ko pa rin sya crush dat tym or hindi lang talaga ko aware n crush ko sya? ewan..malabo talaga...iba sya sa txt although palabiro p dn pero mas side dn pala syang seryoso...marunong syang mag advice..hehe...sa kanya ko pala natutunan ang term na "hehe.." sa txt kya palagi n din ako merong ganyan..

last month something happen na cguro meant n mangyari kya ayon kumalat n crush ko daw sya. Dat tym d ko talaga alam kung ano yung feelings ko para sa kanya sobrang nabother ako kya pinag isipan kong mabuti, ilang linggo din yon.haha...

minsan, tinanong ako ng frend ko "mahal mo b sya?" nawindang ako sabay sabing "ha??? oo mahal ko yun frend ko yun e." d ko nga cgurado kung crush ko sya tapos tatanungin mo ko kung mahal ko sya..

Pero ngayon alam ko na crush ko nga sya pero not sure f mahal ko sya. Weird nga dahil hindi nman sya pareho dun sa standards ko yung tipong chinito, matangkad at payatot...heheh....Sa tingin ko hindi nman sya mahirap mahalin masaya kc syang kasama at sobrang cool pero hindi ko pa sya ganon kakilala kya mahirap magsalita ng tapos.

dream date sa gradball

2005-01-14T13:06:00.000+08:00

Apat na taon na rin kaming walang komunikasyon..ang tanging alam ko lang ay nagmigrate n sya sa States.. Last year nauso ang friendster at sakto nakita ko yung account nya..e d syempre p ininvite ko sya..inapprove nya ko sabay bgay ng testi.at wag ka d mo ieexpect ang mga sinasabi nya maski ako d makapaniwala..after dat madalas n rin kaming nageemail pero wag ka yung best friend pa din nya ang nirereto sa kin..(kung alam lang nya)...lumipas ang ilang emails hanggang sa cnb nya n uuwi sya sometime in march..natuwa nman ako..at naicp n iinvite ko sya para maging date ko sa gradball..friends nman kami so walang malisya..haha..saka tuwing chinecheck ko yung account nya single namn sya...pero lately hindi ko na chinecheck..last week chineck ko ulit and to my surprise he's taken at nakapost p yung picture nila ng gf nya...huhuhu...pano n ang aking mga pangarap...sabi p nman nung frend ko napaginipan nya n ipinakilala ko sya sa kanya at magkaholding hands pa kami..narealize ko na sign cguro yun..kya ko chinek yung friendster nya.hay naky ewan kung uuwi p sya hindi ko na tinanong dahil wala lang dn nmn sa kin kung umuwi sya..wala n kong prospect na date sa gradball...(as if nmn apektado ko no?)...